Ive had hepatitis for about 2 years now. I even remember the day I got it. It was all my fault. I got it through sharing a needle with a guy that was infected. I knew that he had it. He said it was healed but I didn't really believe him. We were shooting coke and there was only one needle left.

Im not going to try to justify my actions by explaining the effects coke has on ones mind, it doesn't matter.

I soaked the needle in alcohol (80%) for half an hour, knowing full well the whole time that it wouldn't work. I was such an idiot. I didn't care. A lot of people I knew had hep c and they seemed fine. I knew they weren't though, but because I encountered it so often it became almost normal.

So, I used the infected needle and wasn't surprised when I started to get sick a couple months later. My lymph glands were swollen and I was sick to my stomach. Im usually very healthy so I knew immediately that I had contracted the hepatitis C virus.

I went straight to the doctor and took a test. I think it only took a day or two for the results to come in. Luckily, hep c was all I had.

From then on things changed for me. I had been slowly trying to get off drugs for the past 3 years but this time it was final. I quit. Looking back it doesn't even seem like it had been that hard for me. I wasn't exactly the average, hardcore junky, but merely short time user. I also quit smoking and moved back to my mom's house (I'm 20 at the moment).

Im currently attending a jr. college. Im also taking interferon with rebetron A. Ive been taking it for 6 months now and will soon find out if it is working or not.

In a way, I don't really think that I deserve to be cured. So many people get sick every day for reasons totally out of their control, and here I am. Im such an idiot. You must hate people like me. When I think about it I begin to hate myself too.

No matter. Ive come to terms with death. Im just going to keep going until I can't anymore. After all the time Ive spent trying to become normal and healthy again, it would be stupid to give up.

Through this process of mental cleansing, Ive realized a few things:

1) nothing happens for a reason.

2) there is no god, but that is ok.

3) death is a natural process, it happens all the time.

4) I am nothing special.

5) you are responsible for your own life. Don't expect others to help out or take     the blame

6) live for yourself.

7) no matter what happens, keep going.

8) it won't do you any good to feel sorry for yourself.

I wish everyone else here and elsewhere the best of luck. I know it sucks and that the odds are bad but try to think positively. Life could be so much worse. Im glad for everyday that Im alive and concious. I love life and (without wanting to sound too lame) wont give it up with out a fight.

People die everyday all over the world. some are young, some old. Im 20 years old. That means Ive lived over 7300 days. not bad considering that many humans don't even make it out of the hospital.

conclusion (# 9): Things could be worse...

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