had hepatitis for about 2 years now. I even remember the
day I got it. It was all my fault. I got it through sharing
a needle with a guy that was infected. I knew that he had
it. He said it was healed but I didn't really believe him.
We were shooting coke and there was only one needle left.
not going to try to justify my actions by explaining the
effects coke has on ones mind, it doesn't matter.
the needle in alcohol (80%) for half an hour, knowing full
well the whole time that it wouldn't work. I was such an
idiot. I didn't care. A lot of people I knew had hep c and
they seemed fine. I knew they weren't though, but because
I encountered it so often it became almost normal.
I used the infected needle and wasn't surprised when I started
to get sick a couple months later. My lymph glands were
swollen and I was sick to my stomach. Im usually very healthy
so I knew immediately that I had contracted the hepatitis
straight to the doctor and took a test. I think it only
took a day or two for the results to come in. Luckily, hep
c was all I had.
then on things changed for me. I had been slowly trying
to get off drugs for the past 3 years but this time it was
final. I quit. Looking back it doesn't even seem like it
had been that hard for me. I wasn't exactly the average,
hardcore junky, but merely short time user. I also quit
smoking and moved back to my mom's house (I'm 20 at the
attending a jr. college. Im also taking interferon with
rebetron A. Ive been taking it for 6 months now and will
soon find out if it is working or not.
a way, I don't really think that I deserve to be cured.
So many people get sick every day for reasons totally out
of their control, and here I am. Im such an idiot. You must
hate people like me. When I think about it I begin to hate
Ive come to terms with death. Im just going to keep going
until I can't anymore. After all the time Ive spent trying
to become normal and healthy again, it would be stupid to
this process of mental cleansing, Ive realized a few things:
happens for a reason.
is no god, but that is ok.
is a natural process, it happens all the time.
am nothing special.
are responsible for your own life. Don't expect others to
help out or take the blame
matter what happens, keep going.
won't do you any good to feel sorry for yourself.
everyone else here and elsewhere the best of luck. I know
it sucks and that the odds are bad but try to think positively.
Life could be so much worse. Im glad for everyday that Im
alive and concious. I love life and (without wanting to
sound too lame) wont give it up with out a fight.
die everyday all over the world. some are young, some old.
Im 20 years old. That means Ive lived over 7300 days. not
bad considering that many humans don't even make it out
of the hospital.
(# 9): Things could be worse...
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