 1986,
Expo in Vancouver,my 10 year marriage is on the rocks, I have
a hysterectomy for endometriosis which is interfering with our
"lives". The pain I was experiencing was apparently
a ploy to keep me from doing activities with my then husband.
Murphy's law struck. If anything is going to wrong post-operatively,
it will happen to one in the "field". I bled internally
that night...I knew from the excruciating pain I was having
that something was horribly wrong. Had the rookie nurse figured
out what that was, it still would not have saved me from the
events unfolding before me right then. I spent the entire night
clinging to the side rail as it was the only position of comfort
for me with a feeling of terror raging in my head. Three days
later,following a routine post-op blood check, it was finally
discovered that I had lost half my blood into my abdominal cavity.
The solution...a couple of units of blood and I will have a
good start to build myself back up to being right as rain.
1987...divorced, single mom, brand new start.
1994, The Red Cross
made public facts concerning the possible HCV and HIV tainting
of blood from 1986 to 1990. So much for saving money, if they
only realized how expensive that mistake was going to be.
My doctor thought it prudent to test me. Low and behold if
it didn't turn out positive. At the time I was healthy, asymptomatic
and since I made my own wine, leading an unrestrained lifestyle
in regards to alcohol. I had to have a second look at how
I was conducting my life...and the paranoia set in. "Do
I have one glass of wine or two? or any at all?" Then
I would get angry and say the hell with it! HCV had suddenly
become a huge shadow on my life. It wasn't just the socializing,
but the long term effects...I suddenly wasn't the healthy
person I was used to. I felt betrayed by my own system. Gradually,
it took less to make me tired.
1996 a liver biopsy
gave me hope that since I was only Stage 1 damage, with a
few restrictions, I could probably lead a normal life indefinitely.
I hope to never have to experience that one again...in spite
of the fact that I am a slender person it took the Radiologist
4 tries to get an adequate specimen. I am a stubborn and independent
woman..."hear me roar". I took my self by bus over
two bridges, planning to return the same way...nothing to
this!? I never felt so alone...lying in this strange hospital,
knowing no one, in so much pain, crying my eyes out, having
no idea how I was goingto get home. In the end I called my
daughter to pick me up...needless to say, I never left
her in the dark again.
2002 Summer...looking
forward to a wonderful relationship, neat guy, younger but
mature...or so I thought. I thought I was in love. Once we
felt comfortable with each other, I decided that I should
share a few of my "darker" secrets. One of which
is the mild case of G.H. that I contracted from a "friend"-come-lover.
He "forgot" he had it. To my amazement, it was the
HCV that he was uncomfortable with and broke it off. THAT
really hit home...I felt like a walking pile of disease. Nobody
would want me now. Last chance.
2003 December...ALT
is elevated. A check on the virus and it has become active.
Anger reared it's ugly head again..."I didn't ask for
this!" I was tired of living under guilt and paranoia,
worried yet again for the long term. It had been a few years
since I saw the Gastroenterologist, so I returned to discuss
the possibility of ridding myself of this curse once and for
all.
2004 May...started
Pegetron. Just one week. I am one of those weird nurses that
can't see her own blood. Giving myself my own injections was
going to be very interesting. With my daughter on the couch
beside me in case I pass out with a needle stuck in my belly,
I overcame my first hurdle. We both laughed and hugged each
other...then cried over the chick flicks we filled the rest
of the evening with. So far my side effects are mild...flu-like,
fatigue.The first night I thought I was turning into a block
of ice. At last I have found a cure for my menopausal hot
flushes!! I am planning to use walks, yoga and Viseral Work
by an RMT as additions to my program.
Fortunately, I
have a small selfish streak that I acknowledge now and again.
Since I entered into the class action suit several years ago,
I have received one lot of compensation and now will be eligible
for another. The Red Cross is also obligated to pay any out
of pocket expenses not covered by medical or pharmacare plans
for the remainder of all of the registered victims lives.
I work in the Daycare
Surgical Unit and naturally blood transmitted diseases are
a concern of our team. It is interesting in the way that even
some health care professionals communicate such facts. When
I first started in the Dept, the Recovery Room nurse would
bring her patient down with diagnosis, surgery, meds.given
and health issues. "They have HEP C" they would
whisper, with that all knowing look on their face. My response
was "hmmm...so do I". Needless to say, we have all
come a long way. I like to think that I have given we, the
victims, the respect we deserve for our courage to look this
demon in the face and fight back...no matter how we contracted
it in the first place.
I am learning to
be good to myself and love life as it comes. Hopefully, when
I retire next year, I will have a new lease in life...that
is my goal.
Liz
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